Archive for November, 2009

Kvick Kvetches

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

Here are a few irritating things for you to think about…

At some restaurants it’s very hard to get a reservation. That reminded me of something Yogi Berra is reported to have said: “The place is so busy that no one goes there any more.”

How come every time I walk by my favourite shoe shine stand the guy gives me a big cheery hello and then immediately looks down at my shoes as if to say: “Schmuck… you need a shine.”

In case you haven’t noticed, kids don’t wear watches anymore… That’s because the time is always on their iPod or cell phone.

Thank goodness for computerized cash registers! There was a time when cashiers could actually calculate change in their heads – can you believe it? “So let’s see… the total is $17.49 and the guy gave me $21.49… now what?” Or better yet – they look at you and say: “You gave me too much.”

Birth announcements are interesting. Think about the ones that include something like “…and excited big brother is Schlomo.” I’m sure he’s excited!

And finally, I’m told there’s a new toy on the market for disgruntled kids and it’s called “Kvetch–a–Sketch.”

What’s On Prince Charles’ iPod™

Saturday, November 7th, 2009

I really am indifferent when it comes to The Royal Family. All the money, the jewels the pomp and circumcision… I’m not too worried about it all. Now mind you, Prince Charles does wear nice suits and my wife tells me that some of The Queens’ purses are quite something.

But I’m thinking… is Charles a regular guy? I mean, does he get to sleep in most weekends or does Camilla bug him to go for a walk or accompany her shopping on Regent Street? Better yet, does he get up with this horrible feeling that he forgot to turn the barbeque off?

But the real question I need to know about Charles is this: is he cool enough to have an iPod? Do you think Camilla gave him one as a wedding gift? Worse, do you think he did get one as a wedding gift and hasn’t used it yet because he can’t figure out how it works?

So here’s my fantasy: Charles has figured out how to “sync” the laptop in the upstairs bedroom with his shiny new iPod. What would be on Prince Charles iPod?

He’s probably got an Elgar playlist for sure… and a Lloyd Webber one. And for pop, I’ll bet you pounds to crumpets that he’s got The Stones doing “Wild Horses”, Michael Murphy doing “Wildfire” and America singing “A Horse With No Name.”

And for video, I know Camilla helped him download “Seabiscuit”, “National Velvet” and a few episodes of “Mr. Ed.”

There, I figured it out!


Thursday, November 5th, 2009

I was sitting in the doctor’s office waiting for my wife. It was fairly crowded but manageable. I was reading a March 2007 issue of Time Magazine but I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation next to me.

Two women, in their mid-to-late thirties I guessed, were talking about headaches.

One said: “Sometimes mine are extremely bad… almost like a migraine. But I’ve been prescribed really good stuff for it.” She showed her friend the bottle saying “You should ask the doctor about this.”

The other woman thanked her for the advice and then said: “You know, whenever I get a headache it means it’s time for me to top up my Botox.”

I put the magazine down and had this brilliant male thought: I guess this woman has no excuse when it comes to sex.