Posts Tagged ‘Chanukah’

The Great Chanukah Conspiracy

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

This Chanukah, once again, I’m sure we’ll be forced to buy more than one box of candles. It happens every year and it’s not fair.

Using simple math it’s easy to calculate how many candles are needed for the Menorah: two for the first night, three for the second night… That comes to forty-four candles.

Now, although it is true that most boxes of Chanukah candles contain 45 candles, there is no way that one box will do the trick. And the candle makers know this.

Many of the boxes I’ve purchased are so tightly packed that there is no way you can remove the first candle without breaking it. And watch out for candles that have stuck together during manufacturing. It’s reminds me of the same problem I have getting that first “dill” out of the pickle jar – a real feat!

So if you are lucky enough to get that first one out in one piece, make sure that your candle holders in the Menorah are clean and clear of any wax from say Chanukah 5765. If you don’t clean them out first and try and force that bright red candle in you’re going to be in trouble! Forcing is not a good Chanukah word: Chanukah candles don’t like forcible entry. (By the way, if you are keeping count here we are already down three or four candles and it’s only the first night!) Can you see the smiles on the candle makers faces?

One other problem is that some of the wicks just don’t want to light. It’s as though some sadist candle maker treated the wick with a fire retardant solution. And then of course some wicks are waxed over. Don’t ever try and break off some of the wax and retrieve a wick… Chanukah candles don’t like that either.

The answer here is to just admit it: you’re going to need at least two boxes of Chanukah candles.

Oh, and one final thing! Don’t tell yourself that you’ll keep the remaining candles for next Chanukah. You’ll never remember where you’ve stored them!